I just need to rant for a moment. This will probably be super negative. Feel free to pass up this post.
Is it just me or does it seem like this virus has changed people? Before the pandemic started, the number of people of who were suffering from mental health issues was already high and now it’s even higher. And it surprises me how divided we are as a country about this. A lot of people are saying the coronavirus isn’t that serious, that it’s all hype, that the government is just trying to instill fear in the people so they can impede on our “God-given rights” (these are mostly people who are saying the Government shouldn’t be allowed to tell them they can’t open their businesses or that they have to shelter in place) and the other half is saying that the first group of mentioned people are the reason why the virus hasn’t gone away yet. So much hate happening right now it seems like.
Every Monday thru Saturday I get up and drag my butt into work and work 7, 8, 9 (today I worked 9.5) hours. I wear a face mask, I try to keep my hands clean, I try my best to be friendly not just to customers but also to my coworkers and supervisors, but I’m still out there working. It’s stressful. It’s also stressful to hear so many people in my town talk about how ridiculous it is that there are limits on how many people can be in our building at one time, how frustrating it is that so many businesses are shut down or are only open for certain hours with restrictions on how many people can be in a building at one time, how dumb it is that so many people are wearing gloves and face masks because this virus isn’t that bad, that it only really affects certain groups of people. There’s a lot of tension in the world today and you can feel it, it’s like freaking electricity humming. I think maybe it’s not as bad here in Texas, most people in Texas are really nice (honestly in my experience it’s just older women here that are so angry and mean to everyone around them and I’m sure they have their reasons but sometimes it’s just uncalled for.) but I’ve read some pretty horrifying things on social media of experiences from friends. You would think during a pandemic would be one of those times where everyone would pull together and be nicer to each other.
On t.v. I see a lot of commercials about “flatten the curve, stay home,” and posts about just because you’re asymptomatic doesn’t mean you can’t have the virus and can’t pass it to someone that it could kill, to which someone always has a comeback of “Well then those people that this virus could kill should just stay home.” There’s people who say that the only way we’ll ever be able to survive this thing is if we “build up an immune system to it.” The majority of the posts I see are people who are angry about businesses shutting down or having shorter business hours. These people say this is killing our economy. When did we become so angry? When did we become so divided? Or has it always been like this and I never paid attention to it because I’ve never experienced a pandemic before?
My point of this post is, people frustrate me. I hate viruses. Especially ones that have no cure or way of prevention other than staying home. (Yes I realize that there are other ways of preventing it, wash your hands, don’t touch your face, cover your cough, etc etc.) Not everyone has the option to stay home. Not everyone has the option to work from home. I hate that health insurance in the U.S. isn’t easily accessible to everyone. I can’t afford health insurance, not from my job and I don’t qualify for Medicaid. Thankfully if I get the virus I won’t have to pay for testing or for treatment. I hate it that I have anxiety that I decided last year to try to manage on my own without medication because I took medicine for a long time and I have had terrible luck with counselors in the past. I’m glad that I decided not to take the medicine though because a doctor’s appointment every three months at this point would be too stressful for me. I would end up stopping my medication and having withdrawals.
This virus makes me anxious. The media makes me anxious. My family makes me anxious. Customers shopping at my job make me anxious. Going to work makes me anxious. And I’m tired. And talking about it to friends and family doesn’t help so I write about it here. You would think that during a pandemic would be when people would pull together as a community, where families would pull together to protect to each other, but I feel like there’s so much division everywhere and it’s hard to deal with. For someone who already deals with a lot of anxiety, it makes dealing with the pandemic even worse and I hate it. My mental and emotional health is at about a solid 3.5 right now.